Rescue Me was the last track on the Immaculate Collection CD. This song gave me the strength to get through the awful days. When I would sing this song, I would imagine singing these lyrics directly to God. – “Only that you try to understand me And have the courage to love me for me.”
During the early part of December 1990, my family was life once again turned upside down. My sister-in-law’s depression had gotten the best of her. She couldn’t get over my nephew’s death after his drug overdose and continued to struggle with severe depression. She ended her life on December 16, 1990, by running toward an oncoming train, which decapitated her and left her other son completely motherless.
My sister-in-law’s suicide did a number on my mother, and she got to the point where she needed care around the clock. There was nothing any of us could do for her any longer. We had to put my mother in a nursing home in January of 1991. Shortly afterward, as soon as a room became available, my father joined her in the same nursing home. Stress was at an all-time high in our family. I still seemed to be the primary target when it came to disgrace, shame, and guilt, but I was strong enough within my being to handle it. By this time I had heard that my oldest brothers wanted to take my last name away from me and wanted to have me committed to a mental institution. Thank God they never found out that I had dated someone outside of my race. I probably would have been lynched. I found myself in a constant state of depression and thought about suicide almost every single day. I was just exhausted and wanted it all to end. If it wasn’t for the dance floor and Madonna’s music, I’m not sure I would have made it. I always lived to see what Madonna would do next. I knew there would be a hidden message in her next single, video, or live performance that would inspire me to keep going.
After my parents moved into a nursing home, their house was sold to my niece, my sister’s daughter. My parents always wanted to leave their house and beach cottage to me, but some of my siblings made sure that didn’t happen. I always felt like there was some trickery that took place behind my back when it came to my inheritance, but I couldn’t prove it. I knew it wasn’t worth it, anyway. My older siblings had all of the power. For the first time in my life, I felt completely homeless, but at the same time, a sense of freedom washed over me. I had taken a risk and put all of my faith into a group of people that I loved so much, but no matter what I did, or what I said, they were unable to love me back the way I needed to be loved. I felt utterly lost at this point in my life. I’m sure I was guilty of something as well, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I was too wrapped up in my sorrow. Six months later, on June 17, 1991, my father passed away.
The very next month I celebrated my 30th birthday, which to me was a complete blessing. I remembered thinking in 1986; I would never live to see 30. I thought back to my conversation with God and never imagined in a million years that I would experience everything that was happening. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was being punished in some way, for coming out and being gay. I couldn’t’ figure out why all of this was happening to my family and me. Whenever I listened to the song, “Rescue Me” I always imagined singing this song directly to God. I knew that love would eventually see my family and me through our differences. I kept hoping for a brighter future. I continued to fight.
BACK | TOC | NEXT
I’m talking, I’m talking
I believe in the power of love
I’m singing, I’m singing
I believe that you can rescue me
With you I’m not a little girl, with you I’m not a man
When all the hurt inside of me comes out, you understand
You see that I’m ferocious, you see that I am weak
You see that I am silly, and pretentious and a freak
But I don’t feel too strange for you
Don’t know exactly what you do
I think when love is pure you try
To understand the reasons why
And I prefer this mystery
It cancels out my misery
And gives me hope that there could be
A person that loves me
Rescue me [rescue me, it’s hard to believe]
Your love has given me hope
Rescue me [rescue me, it’s hard to believe]
I’m drowning, baby throw out your rope
With you I’m not a fascist, can’t play you like a toy
And when I need to dominate, you’re not my little boy
You see that I am hungry for a life of understanding
And you forgive my angry little heart when she’s demanding
You bring me to my knees while I’m scratching out the eyes
Of a world I want to conquer, and deliver, and despise
And right while I am kneeling there
I suddenly begin to care
And understand that there could be
A person that loves me
Love is understanding
It’s hard to believe life can be so demanding
I’m sending out an S.O.S.
Stop me from drowning baby I’ll do the rest
Rescue me (echo)
Your love has given me hope [your love has given me hope]
Rescue me (echo)
I’m drowning, baby throw out your rope [baby throw out your rope]
Ooh ahh, ooh ahh, love is understanding
Ooh ahh, ooh ahh, love is understanding
Love is understanding
It’s hard to believe life can be so demanding
I’m sending out an S.O.S.
Rescue me, rescue me
It’s not my business to decide
How good you are for me
How valuable you are
And what the world can see
Only that you try to understand me
And have the courage to love me for me
(Background vocals, continuously for remainder of song:)
[I believe in the power, I believe you can rescue me]
I believe [I believe in the power]
I believe that you can rescue me
I’m singing I believe
I believe that you can rescue me
I’m singing, I’m singing, I’m singing
I believe that you can rescue me
I’m talking, I’m talking
I believe in the power of love
I’m singing, I’m singing, I believe
I believe that you can rescue me
Hey hey, hey hey
R.E.S.C.U.E. me
Only you can rescue me
Hey hey, hey…
[I believe you can rescue me]
[I believe in the power]
[I believe you can rescue me]
