Secret was the second track from the Bedtime Stories CD. – “Things haven’t been the same sine you came into my life you found a way to touch my soul and I’m never, ever, ever gonna let it go.”
Joel and I had some excellent times together. I helped him get a summer job at the American Dance Festival ticket office, at Duke University, which allowed us to attend most of the dance festival performances that summer. Pilobolus was always my favorite dance troupe. Dance continued to be a big part of my life, and the queen of the dance floor continued to write the soundtrack to everything positive, and negative, in my life. My relationship with her music was undeniable. It not only gave me strength but inspired me on so many levels. Her music fed my soul.
Rewind: Let’s go back up to 1990 for a moment. I was trying to find an apartment in Durham after landing my job at Duke University and had heard about a local guy who owned a lot of rental properties in the Durham area. I called his office and made an appointment with his sales manager, who’s name was Lucas.
I knew Lucas, and I would be friends the moment we met. To make a long story short, Lucas and I became very close friends during my six years in the Durham/Chapel Hill area. We spent a lot of evenings and weekends together. We spent a lot of time playing Nintendo, listening to 80’s music, or watching bad movies. He became my gay brother. You wouldn’t have known that Lucas was gay when you met him. He was a huge flirt. And, he had this laugh that reminded me of David Letterman; annoying, but utterly infectious!
After knowing Lucas for a while, I got to meet his mother. She was from Lafayette, Louisiana. She had divorced Lucas’ father around the time we met. She was the nicest person you’ve ever wanted to meet. A little “out there” but very nice. The longer Lucas and I hung out, the more we became brothers. Lucas had a slight addiction to alcohol, brought on by his emotional relationship with his father, but overall he was a great guy. Lucas and I didn’t hang out on the nights that Lucas got drunk. I gave him his space on those nights.
Lucas had a little secret, and not until 1993 did I discover that he was HIV positive when he started showing various symptoms. Lucas was very private about the whole situation. We didn’t talk a lot about it. Time went by, and he started getting to the point where he couldn’t take care of himself, so he moved back to Louisiana to be with his mother. His move back to Louisiana prevented me from seeing the worst part of his illness.
Joel and I lived in a one-bedroom garage apartment that summer, and by this time Lucas had already moved back home. I kept tabs on him through his mother. One day, out of the blue, she called me at work and told me that I needed to fly to Lafayette immediately. She told me that Lucas didn’t have much time left.
Since I couldn’t afford a full-price airline ticket in those days, I contacted a friend of mine who worked for US Airways. She was able to get me a “space available” airline ticket. I immediately went to the airport and tried to board the next flight to New Orleans. The ticket agent told me that there were plenty of seats from Raleigh to Charlotte, but all of the flights from Charlotte to New Orleans were completely overbooked. She told me to come back the following morning.
Joel and I went back to our apartment, and I became very anxious and decided to pass the time by playing the Nintendo game that Lucas and I had played so many times in the past. I kept praying that Lucas would hold on long enough for me to see him before he passed away. Joel could tell that I was completely distracted and somewhat out of it, so he decided to give me some space, and left me in the apartment while I played Nintendo.
I sat and played Nintendo for several hours, thinking that as long as I could keep the game going, I could keep Lucas alive. I realized that this was a bit strange, but it was my way of staying connected to Lucas on a spiritual level. After several hours of winning, I began making several big mistakes, and suddenly the game came to an abrupt end. “Game Over” flashed across the TV screen. I immediately called Lucas’ hospital room, and a nurse answered on the second ring. I asked to speak to Lucas’ mother, and the nurse informed me that she had just left to go home, she said that Lucas had just passed away. I waited about ten minutes and then called his mother at her house. She told me about his passing, and we cried over the phone together. She said that it was probably best that I didn’t make the flight, I would not have made it in time.
While I was talking on the phone with Lucas’ mother, Joel walked in with a bouquet of flowers. I immediately knew where he purchased the flowers because they were the same flowers that Lucas purchased every Friday for his fireplace mantel when he lived in town. I asked Joel what made him buy the flowers. He said that he didn’t know what compelled him, but as he was walking by, something told him to get them for me. I knew the flowers were from Lucas. I thanked Joel for buying the flowers and for delivering such an incredible message. This experience was the second time that I felt someone’s presence after their death. It was at this time I started believing in life after death.
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Things haven’t been the same
Since you came into my life
You found a way to touch my soul
And I’m never, ever, ever gonna let it go
Bridge:
Happiness lies in your own hand
It took me much too long to understand
How it could be
Until you shared your secret with me
Chorus:
Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm
Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm
Something’s comin’ over me
My baby’s got a secret
You gave me back the paradise
That I thought I lost for good
You helped me find the reasons why
It took me by surprise that you understood
You knew all along
What I never wanted to say
Until I learned to love myself
I was never ever lovin’ anybody else
(bridge)
(chorus, repeat)
(bridge)
(chorus, repeat)
Mmm mmm, my baby’s got a secret
Mmm mmm, my baby’s got a secret
Mmm mmm, my baby’s got a secret for me
Mmm mmm, mmm mmm, mmm mmm
