Nobody Knows Me was the fifth track from the American Life CD. “No ones telling you how to live your life, But it’s a setup until you’re fed up, It’s no good when you’re misunderstood, But why should I care? What the world thinks of me won’t let a stranger Give me a social disease.”
By the time June 2004 rolled around I was ready for something new. I was sick of my living situation. I was tired of my job and all of the office politics, and I was tired of living in a city where I felt like I could run into Levi at any given moment. I needed a huge change.
Coincidentally, it was time once again for Madonnarama and this year’s event just happened to be scheduled the week before Madonna brought the “Re-Invention Tour” to DC. Once again I burned the dance floor entirely up at the club. Two guys came up to me and asked if I used to dance at the Power Company, in Durham, NC. I said yes, smiled, and kept dancing. I truly loved dancing, and dancing to Madonna’s music was like taking a trip back in time for me. That night I left the club at 5:30 in the morning. Even at the wise age of forty-two I still loved to dance, and my connection with Madonna’s music was still vibrant.
After Madonnarama I prepared for the “Re-Invention Tour.” If you remember at the beginning of this story (see Lucky Star) I wrote about having the opportunity to name my niece, Abigail. Well, she was now 20 years old. She and my other niece Lydda, drove up from North Carolina to attend Madonna’s show with me. The three of us saw the “Re-Invention Tour” on June 13 and 14. We had a great time together. It was indeed a family affair.
From June 13 to July 15, 2004, I saw this show five times. I saw it twice in Washington, DC, (with Abigail and Lydda), once in New York City (with Zuriel), once again in Philadelphia (Section 1, Row 2, Seat 13), and one last time in Chicago.
I didn’t plan on seeing the show five times. I had purchased a couple of tickets as backups, in case Madonna canceled one of her shows. Hands down, my favorite song and performance in this particular show was “Nobody Knows Me.”
When I finished touring with Madonna that summer a friend of mine asked me why I was such a big Madonna fan. I told Ruth that instead of telling her, I would show her. That’s when I sat down and began writing the first draft of this story. It was difficult going back and reliving some of the sad, confusing, difficult times of my life, but it was fun to see how Madonna’s music had been there with me through the years. As I began to put everything together, I was genuinely amazed at the connection.
After I published my first draft, I forwarded it to my niece, Abigail. I thought this would give her the opportunity to know her uncle a little better. She would finally get to see why I was such a big fan of Madonna’s music. After she read it, she told me that she liked my story. We got a big laugh out of the fact that her friends used to call her the “Ice Princess,” as well.
I finally left Washington, DC, on Labor Day weekend of 2004. I had lived in the city for nine years, three of which were too long. Even though I had some incredible experiences in DC, by the time I finally left, I couldn’t help but feel as though I had over-extended my stay. I was ready to move on to something different, but I had one more thing to take care of, and that’s when I decided to return to North Carolina to spend some time with my family.
Once I was back in North Carolina, I found myself in the same place where it all began twenty years ago. My life had come full circle. Looking back, I was amazed at all that life had revealed to me, and all that I had experienced and survived. It felt strange to be back in North Carolina, and it just wasn’t the same without my mother. I missed her horribly, and without her, North Carolina felt very foreign to me.
Because I had lost so many friends to AIDS and experienced the deaths of both of my parents, life at this point took on more spiritual meaning. I began to see everything very differently. I compared my religious beliefs as a child, to my spiritual beliefs as an adult, and concluded that they had nothing in common. I continued to believe in Jesus Christ, but I no longer worshiped him the way I did when I was a child. I could no longer relate to Christ on a spiritual level but understood his message much better on a spiritual level. Even though I was not a religious person, I realized the importance of unconditional love. That is what convinced me that it was time to return to North Carolina. I needed to experience that with my family.
I spent a lot of time with my family in September and October of 2004, and in doing so, was able to heal a lot of the pain that we had experienced earlier in our lives. The change was almost immediate. I learned to enjoy my family, and for those six weeks, I grew to love them again. No one in my family apologized for the way they treated me in the past, but that no longer mattered to me. I didn’t need their apology or their acceptance. I had nothing but love for them and no expectations beyond that. I began to see the power behind the concept of unconditional love.
I thought back to the agreement that I made with God at the beginning of this story. My pact was that I would not live my life based on other people’s beliefs. Since I had spent most of my younger years in bible school and attending church on a regular basis, I got an ear full of how other people interpreted Christ and the meaning of his life. I wanted to experience my life and develop my own beliefs, based on the experiences that God placed before me. It had been a difficult journey, but I had learned a great deal.
There were a lot of things about Christianity that encompassed a great deal of love, but they also seemed to be a lot of prejudice, judgment, and hatred. If that wasn’t the case, why did so many Christians use their religion to judge and control others, especially gay people? I guess my most significant leap in faith was that I no longer allowed anyone to validate, or invalidate my faith or my own life’s experiences. I learned to ignore anyone who tried to impose their religious or political views on me. I had a mind of my own and could reach conclusions about life. I knew I could still experience a meaningful life without all of the religious dogma that most people allowed themselves to get bogged down in. And I could experience the deeper meaning of life, unlike those people that didn’t practice any faith at all. I continued to honor my agreement with God going forward. It was around this time that I learned about real astrology, not the daily horoscope crap that you read in the newspaper. Using my time, place, and date of birth, this is what my short report had to say about my blueprint:
Sun in Cancer, Moon in Scorpio | You were born with the Sun in Cancer and the Moon in Scorpio. Your inner nature is more natural, sensitive, easy-going, and frank than your personality would indicate. You were born with the potential to live life simply, solely concerned with satisfying your pleasure-seeking impulses. Others may view you as a very firm, self-reliant, determined, and strong personality. You are clear and abrupt, energetic, positive, and capable of carrying out projects that involve hard work and dedication. On the same level, you are also fond of the good things in the world. Internally you are a very cautious person, but externally the position of the Moon in Scorpio indicates sensuality. You are inclined to strong pleasures and sexual adventures. You have a way of saying things that make you appear skeptical and cynical. The secret for a better integration of your personality is to subdue your passions and open yourself to regular influences, so that you may enjoy life in a more realistic and socially acceptable manner.
Ascendant in Leo, Sun in the Twelfth House | At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Leo was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler the Sun is located in the twelfth house. People with Leo in the Ascendant seem to possess a flair for the life of nobility and regality. Your life will be in many ways influenced by decisions you make that have been motivated by your pride, desire for power, for authority, and your need to convince others of your courage. In life, you will act with a rather frank, generous, and amiable disposition. The course of events in your life will unfold themselves swiftly, and a life full of chance and circumstances will be the outcome of your desire to rule, to organize, to hold the keys of authority. You should be aware that as a result of overly strong impulses there is the danger of failures and upsets in life. You will be generally regarded as an amiable, sincere and generous person who, however, has much pride and sensitivity. Egocentricity is one of the prices of being born with the Ascendant sign of Leo. Another aspect of this zodiacal sign is that your personality becomes excessively charged with passion and sexual desire. On the other hand, these zodiacal signs grant in life a large dose of vitality as well as a fine physical shape and a strong, healthy constitution. Willpower is a characteristic of your personality. You seek opportunities and when you find them you go to it, using both your mind and your emotions to strive for success with zeal and determination. You are very self-assured and you implement ideas with a self-assurance that lets nothing get in your way of success. It would be beneficial to you, however, if you were not so candid and frank and if you did not expect others to act and feel as you do. Leo will grant you very sincere and affectionate relationships in which you desire to bring happiness and an overall feeling of charitable spirit and warmth to your loved one. In your sexual relationships, you appear as happy, strong, playful and even a little innocent. You will always act better as a leader than a subordinate. This position gives you a tendency to act inconspicuously most of the time. You are interested in bringing clarity to all matters; investigating, doing research. The position also denotes a power for interpretation and much of your time is spent with the purpose of self-analysis. There are intense inclinations for psychic matters; you have the capacity to accept misfortune with understanding and then to react with sentiment. Some mediumship is noted with keen interest for these studies. Don’t let the flame extinguish.
Moon in the Fourth House | The Moon was found in the fourth house at the time of your birth. Moon here will definitely influence events concerning your mother, places of residence and family matters. Both your childhood and even your older age will be characterized by a love of romance, various journeys, and interesting adventures. The liability of this astrological combination is that it gives you an uncertain position in life and a perpetual striving for material security that seems to be hard to come by. This may be relieved temporarily by your receiving a small inheritance and will be almost overcome by the final years of your life by excellent family care and assistance.
Saturn in the Sixth House | Saturn was found in your sixth house at the time of birth. This is a very faithful position. It indicates that your destiny will be fulfilled by overcoming obstacles in achieving success in your work. In general, your work orientation and general health may be difficult at times, but you have enough willpower and stamina to make the best of them. Even if you find problems in working and you may also be distressed by your relationships with subordinates or fellow employees, you can prove your reliability by doing your duty and taking responsibility for the general work process. Most of the more unfortunate circumstances should be regarded as tests of your character and viewed in this manner, you may obtain much enrichment in your psychic life from this knowledge and experience of pain.
Venus in the Eleventh House | Venus was found in the eleventh house at the time of your birth. Your aspirations in life are very aesthetically oriented. You strive for peace and harmony and if it were left up to you the whole world would be more humane, kind, and considerate. In your more personal relationships, Venus gives you the capability of obtaining substantial gain and assistance through your friends, who will desire to assist you with the best of intentions.
Sun in the Twelfth House | The Sun was in your twelfth house at the time of birth. This may indicate a life full of limitations, obstacles, and human opposition, but at the same time a lot of inner strength and energy. You are urged to pause and reflect upon your own accumulated history. Take some time for introspection. It may result in a purification process accompanied by some remorse of conscience. Internally, you are quite different from the way you present yourself externally. You possess a vast reservoir of energy that may be partially hidden even from your own awareness. Your internal disposition is strong, commanding, open, and of rare generosity. More and more you should try to bring these characteristics into the open so that they can overcome some of the less desirable aspects of your personality. – Copyright Astro.com
I had to admit that I was utterly blown away by its accuracy. It resonated with me on several different levels. While I realized this type of thing might not resonate with everyone, I connected on a spiritual level. I began using this divination tool, in addition to other devices, as a way to help direct my life going forward.
Madonna And Chris Copyright Notice
The following rights are protected by copyright:
- Reproduction of the written work: In any form
- Distributed copies of written work: Only the copyright holder may sell, lease, or give away copies.
- Adaptation of written work into a new form: Including digitizing print or visual.
- Performance of written work: This includes musical presentations, pantomimes, movies, audiovisual formats, pictures and graphs, recitations, dances, plays, and television and radio broadcasts.
- Public displays of written work: The public showing of a copyrighted work either directly or by means of a film, slide, television image, or other device or process prior to the sale of the work.
- Derivative works of written work: Examples of derivative works include making a novel into a motion picture; digitizing an image or text; a teacher’s manual; recording a musical composition; an abridgment or translation; turning a story into a ballet.
The written portion (story) of this Web site, as well as the photographs, have been copyrighted against plagiarism. However, the Madonna images, album covers, audio samples, and song lyrics are the property of Madonna, Icon, Live Nation, or Warner Music and used without permission, but is necessary to express how the music is closely tied to the storyline.
By clicking on the “Next” button below, you are acknowledging that the written portion (story) of this site, as well as the photographs, have been copyrighted and cannot be duplicated or transferred into a different medium, without written consent from the author.
Join the chat room at the For Inspiration Patreon Membership to discuss how you connected with the songs in this chapter. Click on the following image.
BACK | TOC | NEXT
I’ve had so many lives
Since I was a child
And I realize
How many times I’ve died
I’m not that kind of guy
Sometimes I feel shy
I think I can fly
Closer to the sky
No ones telling you how to live your life
But it’s a setup until you’re fed up
This world is not so kind
People trap your mind
It’s so hard to find
Someone to admire
I… I sleep much better at night
I feel closer to the light
Now I’m gonna try
To improve my life
No ones telling you how to live your life
But it’s a setup until you’re fed up
It’s no good when you’re misunderstood
But why should I care?
What the world thinks of me
Won’t let a stranger
Give me a social disease
Nobody, nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me
No ones telling you how to live my life
But it’s a setup, and I’m just fed up
It’s no good when you’re misunderstood
But why should I care?
What the world thinks of me
Won’t let a stranger
Give me a social disease
I don’t want no lies
I don’t watch TV
I don’t waste my time
Won’t read a magazine
I don’t want no lies
I don’t watch TV
I don’t waste my time
Won’t read a magazine
I… I sleep much better at night
I feel closer to the light
Now I’m gonna try
To improve my life
Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me
*Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like, like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me
*(Its no fun but the damage is done
Don’t want your social disease
Don’t want your social disease)
**Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Don’t want your social disease
**(I don’t want no lies
I don’t watch TV
I don’t waste my time
Won’t read a magazine
I don’t want no lies
I don’t watch TV
Won’t read a magazine)
