42-Sorry

Sorry was the third track from the Confessions on a Dance Floor CD. – “I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know please don’t say you’re sorry I’ve heard it all before and I can take care of myself.”

To begin my celebration of my new job and my new apartment, I decided to go out for a night on the town. It was April 28th, 2006, the night of the XX Dance, an event put on by the Oregon Bears. The Oregon Bears was a gay men’s club made up of large, hairy men. I was surprised how well I fit in with this crowd; I guess it had something to do with the fact that I had put on twenty extra pounds since I had moved to Oregon.

Regardless, it was nice to be around guys that were more my age and could still move to the groove. The music was pretty good for a small town like Portland. The DJ played Sorry, by Madonna, as soon as I walked in the door. I thought to myself that grrrl is everywhere I go. I felt like she was stalking me.

It was very crowded, and I couldn’t get past anyone without rubbing up against a big, hairy belly. I liked it though; it was a nice change from the six-pack abs that plagued the larger cities.

Late in the evening, the crowd thinned down, and the music changed over to retro, which reminded me of the good old days at the Power Company in North Carolina. The DJ played songs that I had not heard in over ten years. A smile broke out on my face, and before long the holy ghost took over. I was making dance moves that I thought I was too old, or too big to do. But I still had it. Several guys came up to me and told me that I was a great dancer, so that made me feel pretty good. It felt like the Power Company days all over again. It was indeed a night to remember. Up until that night I had been in Portland for eleven months, but never experienced a night out like this one. It felt great to finally find my groove in Portland, the city where “Body of Evidence” was filmed. Dancing still made me very happy.

As I continued to celebrate my new job and my new apartment, I decided to treat myself to the following ticket to Madonna’s “Confessions” tour in Fresno, California:

I had asked Benjamin to go with me, but he declined, so at this point, I decided to go by myself. I was pleased that I would get to see Madonna once again in concert, even if I did have to drive fifteen hours to Fresno, California.

On Saturday, May 20, 2006, Benjamin and I walked down to one of the local pubs for a few brews, and I kept thinking about creating new realities and new relationships. At approximately 1:00 am on May 21, 2006, just three days short of my one year anniversary of living in Portland, I crossed paths with a guy named, Dolos. The attraction between Dolos and I was instant and very obvious to everyone around us, even Benjamin. Benjamin turned towards me, smiled and asked: “Is this the one?” We both laughed. Dolos, Benjamin, and I talked for a little while and Dolos, and I exchanged numbers. We got together the very next day.

We were together Sunday and every day after that for an entire week. In getting to know each other, we discovered a lot of parallels between his life and mine. It appeared as if the two of us were on a collision course, destined to meet, for whatever reason. The more I talked to him, the more I could see glimpses of Thaddeus, Titus, Zuriel, Joel, Cyrus and Levi in him. Even though I had moved clear across the country, I still had the knack of attracting the same type of guys. There they all were, all wrapped into this one 5’4″ Italian\Portuguese\Irishman. I wasn’t sure what it meant, nor did I try to figure it out, but he felt very familiar in a lot of ways. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. The words, “I’ve done it all before” kept racing through my mind.

After knowing Dolos for a couple of weeks, I mentioned to him that I would soon be driving down to Fresno to see Madonna in concert. Dolos had stopped following Madonna several years back and because of that, had never seen her live and on stage. After I told him how incredible she was in-person, he expressed an interest in going and to make a long story short; we decided to take a road trip together. We immediately started making plans. Our primary objective was to sit together during the show. Since I had already purchased a ticket for the show on the sixth of June, we thought it would be easier to buy two new tickets for June 5. I had been searching for a ticket for that show for weeks. My primary objective was to sit near the stage, but the closest I could find was row N, W, or Q. As soon as Dolos committed to going, I found two tickets for the sixth row. It was a clear sign that we were supposed to go together.

We were on our way. I was delighted that I met Dolos and extremely happy that I found someone to go with me. We had just one more problem to solve. We had to find a ticket for Dolos for the show on the 6th. I went to ticketmaster.com to search for one more ticket. We wanted to sit close to each other but realized the chance of that happening was next to impossible. After all, it had been a couple of weeks since I purchased my single ticket for that show. Well, I was wrong. I should have known better than to underestimate the power of the universe. What took place next was simply mind-boggling. The seat that ticketmaster.com offered for Dolos was in the same section, on the same row, two seats away from where I was sitting. I just knew that if we purchased this ticket, we would be able to convince that person sitting between us to swap seats with one of us the night of the show. I grabbed this seat, and everything came together. We were scheduled to see Madonna in Fresno on June 5 and 6, 2006. I had no idea at the time what was about to happen, but Dolos and I were in store for a huge surprise.

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Je suis désolée
Lo siento
Ik ben droevig
Sono spiacente
Perdóname

I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before
[repeat]

I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know
Please don’t say you’re sorry
I’ve heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know
Please don’t say ‘Forgive me’
I’ve seen it all before
And I can’t take it anymore

You’re not half the man you think you are
Save your words because you’ve gone too far
I’ve listened to your lies and all your stories (Listen to your stories)
You’re not half the man you’d like to be

Don’t explain yourself ’cause talk is cheap
There’s more important things than hearing you speak
You stayed because I made it so convenient
Don’t explain yourself, you’ll never see

Gomen nasais [Japanese. English translation: “I am sorry”]
Mujhe maaf kardo [Hindi. English translation: “Please forgive me”]
Przepraszam [Polish. English translation: “Sorry”]
Sli’kha [Hebrew. English translation: “Forgive me”]
Forgive me…

(Sorry, sorry, sorry)
I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before
[repeat]

I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know
Please don’t say you’re sorry
I’ve heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know
Please don’t say ‘forgive me’
I’ve seen it all before
And I can’t take it anymore

I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know
Please don’t say you’re sorry
(Don’t explain yourself cause talk is cheap)
I’ve heard it all before, And I can take care of myself
(There’s more important things than hearing you speak)
I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna know
Please don’t say ‘forgive me’

I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before
I’ve heard it all before